I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
