we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
