i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
