i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
