Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
