only you would photoshop your dick
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
