all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
