i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
This beer is not sobering me up at all
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
