So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
