apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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