sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
