How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I got her a Nickelback box set.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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