jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
