if i can run in heels then i can drive
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
