my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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