didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
