I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
