As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I have feelings that need drinking.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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