the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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