I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
