i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
