dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Randomize
