he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
