My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
