I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
