Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
