Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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