Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
