Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Randomize
