Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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