Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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