Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
my shit smells like andre
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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