The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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