Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
