Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
