I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
