Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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