If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
