I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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