i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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