Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
