As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
