I wannas sexs uuuuu
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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