drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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