For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
