I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
