I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
