nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I feel like a drive thru vagina
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
