I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
