the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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